There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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