i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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