the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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