i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
