didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
