I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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