what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
