be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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