Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
