is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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