i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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