I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
