Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
