if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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