Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
