I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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