I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
