her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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