no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
