My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
