my sisters under your porch take her home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
