when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
