How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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