He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
