just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
