I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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