Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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