This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
