so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
