is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
