Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
