i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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