There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
