we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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