i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
