omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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