btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
