After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
