I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
