OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
