Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
