there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
