Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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