and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
