need another drink. this is the easiest way
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
