You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
