I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
