Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
one might say we're banned from that church
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
