and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
