onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
