I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
