i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
