all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
