hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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