4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
