if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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