Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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