if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
